C&C Astrology* Factory

Frivolity Horoscopes

(Correlation & Causation)

When god, free will, and happenstance are busy, they call me: John Swamini**

 

Aries (Mar 21-Apr 19)

Don’t fret; things are way better than you realize… except for your perception.

 

Taurus (Apr 20-May 20)

Being good-natured is infectious and a way better thing to spread around than Hep C.

 

Gemini (May 21-June 20)

Now is a good time to revisit all of the back burner items in your life. It seems you have amassed enough to make it on to a very special episode of “Hoarders” and there is no time like the present to kick these outdated monkeys off your back.

 

Cancer (June 21-July 22)

Conflict is coming… you can’t fight it.

 

Leo (July 23-Aug 22)

Physical attraction cannot mask a bad personality, it can only help you ignore for a few hours.

 

Virgo (Aug 23-Sep 22)

If you seek harmony, you have to stipulate to someone or something else being the melody to which you craft yourself around.

 

Libra (Sep 23-Oct 22)

Stop flirting with people while they are at their jobs… especially if they are servicing you in some manner.

 

Scorpio (Oct 23-Nov 21)

Not every interaction in your life needs to have a storybook narrative arc. Your life could be drastically changed while you are in the most mundane of places, but only if you are open to it and paying attention.

 

Sagittarius (Nov 22-Dec 21)

Swallowing one’s pride can be a healthy and humbling experience provided one does not choke to death.

 

Capricorn (Dec 22-Jan 19)

Do you prefer to be on the right side of the argument, or the winning side?

 

Aquarius (Jan 20-Feb 18)

For the moment, the only attachments you need in your life belong in your e-mail.

 

Pisces (Feb 19-Mar 20)

You cannot dive into to something feet first. To dive is to led with your head and besides, feet suck; don’t lead with them.

 

* Research suggests that astrology may lead to self-indulgent behavior

 

** Doesn’t need an excuse to be self-indulgent

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