C&C Astrology* Factory

Frivolity Horoscopes

C&C Astrology* Factory

(Correlation & Causation)

When god, free will, and happenstance are busy, they call me: John Swamini**

 

* Sylvia Brown can’t hurt you anymore

** Batting next: John Edward

 

Aries:  Good fortune smiles upon you today… with its great big mouth, which harbors great big teeth, which are going to bite your face off the moment you are lulled into a false sense of security by said smile.

 

Taurus: If you are going to stick it to the man, you need to know exactly where it is you intend to stick it. Raw emotion is not always enough to affect change, so take a moment to compose yourself and a plan.

 

Gemini: There is a fight coming and you are going to need serious support from friends and allies. You need people getting all sides of you, not just your back because the opposition is swinging from all directions.

 

Cancer: Whomever said, “adapt or die” (I know; it was that jerky tech guy who was a jerk) never considered that you’re going to die anyway, so don’t just roll over and compromise your principles for the sake of adhering to some hotheaded man-baby’s misguided rhetoric.

 

Leo: There is nothing wrong with swinging at bad pitches… especially when you are in the batting cage with a limited number of balls per token.

 

Virgo: Is a close friend of yours playing hide and seek with your trust? Unless that was a tacit agreement woven into your relationship, you need to press them to come clean. It is best to do this in private.

 

Libra: Keep away from all drama today, even if it means sacrificing your theater tickets.

 

Scorpio:  Life is demanding, unless you ignore it completely.

 

Sagittarius: Follow your intuition today, unless of course, it is telling you to ignore other people’s advice.

 

Capricorn: You are the dreamiest… but only because you spend so much time sleeping.

 

Aquarius: Your magnetic personality is not just the result of you… so often people do not consider the person(s) or object(s) being attracted, their polarity, distance, and mass, all of which factors into the equation.

 

Pisces:  You plans have gone haywire… good thing they sucked.

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