All New Fortnightly Single! Jim!
It’s back!!! After a too-long hiatus, the Fortnightly Single returns! Let us introduce a gentleman well known and loved by OFS: Jim, who has chosen to describe himself through the media of cable TV listings. Enjoy!
A CABLE TV GUIDE TO JIM FOLEY
8 Discovery: Sails across the Atlantic in a sailboat he helped build. Crosses the Atlantic twice more and then circumnavigates the world under sail. Takes 2 years and change.
9 KTPS: Appears on CARTALK with Click and Clack the Tappet brothers, who, after hearing Jim’s problems, advise him to buy a Jeep.
18 Christian Network: Just doesn’t get it—Believes in the teachings of Buddha, Epictetus and Marcus Aurelius and tries to live by their wisdom.
32 ESPN: Jim breaks his neck playing rugby, decides to take up golf.
33 ESPN2: Now he lifts weights and swims at the Valley.
35 Food Channel: World’s greatest chocolate chip cookies, contest worthy ribs, award wining pickles, and bread like you‘d get in France. Indonesian food to die for.
36 Travel Channel: Twice around the world. Two years in the Peace Corps in the most remote deepest darkest jungles of Papua New Guinea. Some of his best friends are non-practicing cannibals and head hunters (there is a difference). South East Asia, Indonesia, Mexico, Hawaii, he does like to travel.
37 History Channel: Born in Texas (circa 1955), raised back East, been in Olympia 30 years. B.A Poli Sci Western Washington 1981, J.D. UPS 1990.
39 Family Channel: Youngest of six. Father to three beautiful, intelligent and funny children, 27, 25, and 17.
42 Cartoon Network: Rocky and Bullwinkle, George of the Jungle, Super Chicken, Finding Nemo (Good day Mate…. he is Bruce the Great White Shark)
43 Animal Planet: As big as a silverback gorilla, he thinks he is a little dwarf bunny.
49 TruTV: Kind and generous with his time and knowledge. He loves to talk with people and he listens with true empathy and concern. Good at reassuring folks and giving words of comfort. But, he can be chatty and needs a strong counterpart that is not afraid to say shhhhh.
50 Oxygen: He’d make a good wife. Super tidy, Virgo, cleans, cooks, does laundry, washes dishes, and always has flowers in his house. Do you love candles? He does.
52 Arts and Entertainment: Books—Garcia Marquez, Hemingway, Ann Munro and a ton of others, guy loves to read. Poetry? Can you say Pablo Neruda? His all time favorite poet. Ask him to recite some, it will move you.
54 The Movie Channel: Lost in Translation, Mostly Martha (European original), Goodwill Hunting, Roman Holiday (with Gregory Peck and Audrey Hepburn). Favors Foreign Films.
60 Comedy Channel: He knows hundreds and I mean hundreds of jokes. (Less than 5 good ones.)
63 MTV: Across the spectrum, has favorite in every decade. Right now over playing Pearl Jam Rearview Mirror, the Clash, Black Keys, and Joni Mitchell.
64 MTV2: Check out “Jim Foley Rap” on YouTube, his daughter wrote and preformed the rap and that’s his youngest son cooking with him. (Editor’s note: seriously, check it out.)
66 Bravo: To Kill a Mocking Bird
67 Madmen: Wears a suit and bowtie everyday and has done so for 25 years. Always smells good and has a smile. Love women who dress like they are on Madmen.
68 HGTV: First house on Tullis St. 1000 square feet. Next half done farm house, etc. etc. Always work to be done. Now little place on the Westside.
70 Golf Channel: Yes, and it can be fun with the right people.
72 MeTV: Me happy, kind, loving life. You, smart, funny, fit, financially secure who wants to have dinner or catch a movie. Maybe listen to some live music someplace. Be friends.. ◙
If you would like to go on a date with Jim, send an email and pic to firstname.lastname@example.org explaining why he should date you! If he agrees, you’ll get a free date with a charming gentleman and end up in this newspaper!