New Fortnightly Single: Matthew!
What about Ryan? you may be asking yourself. Well, here’s what happened…
From our email inbox: “I write to you from California en route to my new home in the bay. I want to thank Olympia Power and Light for seriously hooking up my dating life in Olympia before I left. I had a very adventurous dating life this summer. I really wish the timing had worked out to go on a featured date for the paper. Although this wasn’t able to happen, I want to tell you and your readers that since the publishing of the article my dating life exploded, literally the day the article came out. This led to several meaningful, sweet flings/getting to know new people experiences. I highly recommend this experience to anyone looking to spruce up their dating life in Olympia. It was so fun! People literally came out of the wood work. Giving people the opportunity to feature themselves as eligible bachelors gives a chance to take a swift, bold move towards believing in your own awesomeness. It’s a cool thing that you dedicate a whole page to a person in your paper. I’m sorry I didn’t get to have the public date published but I will say I have extra motivation to come back to Olympia to visit a certain sailor with an appreciation for cassette tapes and fake flowers… – Ryan”
So now, meet Matthew:
I admit to feeling a little anxious about advertising myself. My hope is to avoid providing the reader with certain qualities that would result in being mislabeled as some new-age hippie, though that conclusion would not be terribly unreasonable. When studying at Syracuse University my nickname amongst one group of friends was ‘hippie’. I did not care for it, but wasn’t particularly offended, since I do enjoy walking around barefoot and taking part in a drum circle. But I feel more conservative in this Olympia climate, the patchouli is more pungent on others, and I will never criticize you for a less than 100% raw vegan diet. I was a vegetarian for four years, now I’m an avid carnivore and have never felt healthier. I will not force upon you the fruits of my vision quests, nor do I think that on the twenty first of december our collective consciousness will synchronize into a thousand petaled lotus blossom of infinite beauty, the heavens will send forth Alex Grey to serve cacao smoothies and didgeridoos will resound throughout the universe. I may be a hippie, but not that type. I harbor no particular fondness for crystals. I’d rather have a beer at a tavern than take part in a cacao ceremony. I’d rather take a walk in the woods than go to Burning Man. When I utter the word ‘spirituality’, I shudder inside.
I am somewhat of a renegade. I think there is a significant difference between a moral person and a law abiding one. I have never cared for laws, but am not immoral. I am not a hipster, for I am too fond of colors, and when I shave my head I prefer to shave the whole thing. I also have gears on my bicycle.
I love to see grass growing in parking lots and trees uprooting sidewalks. I consider humanity foolish and sad, but don’t allow such feelings to corrupt my actions. I strive to maintain a bemused detachment, a whimsical light-hearted cynicism. I am comforted by impermanence, life will persist.
I embody seeming contradictions. I drink beer in the evening and wake up at dawn for a demanding yoga practice. I read Buddhism before watching Breaking Bad. I am compassionate, judgmental and opinionated. Don’t bother writing if you read Nora Roberts, James Patterson, or the like. I could never wake up in the morning and see that garbage on my bedside table. However, if you have obsessed over Franny and Zooey, we should talk. If you listen to music that is played on popular radio stations, it will not work. But if you are familiar with Sallie Ford and the Sound Outside, we should dance! It’s okay if you drink PBR, but I would prefer for you to have higher standards.
Listing my passions makes me seem like everyone else in Olympia (yoga, art, music, gardening, cooking, literature, biking, hiking, blah, blah, blah). I swear I am unique. I work at a library. I grew up on a beautiful farm in Massachusetts. I live in a lovely little studio with many plants and a murphy bed. I am painfully shy, somewhat awkward, and unexpectedly sassy. I think happiness is to be found within simplicity. I think science is fascinating, but wish we were still animals. I think the purpose of life is to love and to learn. I am still searching to find myself and could use some help. I have everything I need except a hand to hold and a mind to counsel.
Lastly, I feel obligated to disclose that I have an existing relationship with a Ms. Sallie Mae. It’s complicated. She keeps calling, claiming that I have interest. I assure you I do not.
Y’all should know the drill by now: If you would like to date Matthew, explain why you’re his best choice, and send it along with a picture to email@example.com. If he agrees, you’ll have a date and end up in the paper! (And we made him pinky-swear that his date will end up in the newspaper, so don’t go asking him out without us.)