New Fortnightly Single: Ryan!
UPDATE: Ryan has not picked a date yet! You still have a chance to wine and dine this fabulous lady — if you write in Right Now. Do it.
My interviewer preferred to stay anonymous. She did a great job interviewing me and convincing me to do this thing. Thank you.
Interviewer: Greetings Olympia. I am bristling with excitement to introduce you to the most eligible bachelor in town. Her name is Ryan. I interviewed her after dinner tonight after a beautiful spring rain shower, over wine and chocolate. The scent of fresh flowering currants wafts through the air.
Interviewer: Tell me a little about yourself.
Ryan: I’m 34, originally from South Jersey. The year I was born my dad told me a 1965 corvette pulled up across the street. Bruce Springsteen was visiting our neighbor.
Interviewer: Was he already famous?
R: I don’t really know what the extent of his fame was at that time. He was a friend with one of our neighbors, Frankie Stefanko.
I: Are you a corvette fan at all?
R: They’re ok. I mean, they’re cool.
I: Do you have a particular religious preference?
R: I’m Jewish and I prefer to remain Jewish. Basically I will remain Jewish no matter who I date, and I often enjoy the company of Jews. I’m definitely not exclusive.
I: Do you have a particular gender preference for your dating experience?
R: All genders have captured my curiosity at one time or another. Just imagine me sliding down a rainbow.
I: What will you be wearing sliding down the rainbow?
R: A one-piece jumpsuit made in West Berlin, before the wall came down, when fashion was liberation from fascism. I once saw a rainbow end in a cow field. That was pretty, maybe I could land there. Hopefully some great person who answers this ad would meet me at the bottom ;).
I: Name 3 things you are looking for in a date?
R: To have a good time and laugh. Hopefully I’d click with someone and having a good conversation, good chemistry. Whatever happens, this particular Fortnightly Single Date situation will be a good thing to tell my grandchildren about, like buying a limo. Or like when my grandmom used to call my grandfather Sam’s high school when her parents weren’t home. She’d tell them to send him to his “Aunt Ethel’s house immediately”. Her name was Ethel. I aspire to be more like my grandmother was.
I: Name 3 things you looking for in a mate?
R: Continuously having an extremely good time together. Shared interests and values. Likes to cook, a good cook. Likes and wants/has kids. Appreciates my eccentricities and dorkiness. Easy on the eyes. Is into art, music. Likes to dance. Someone who makes me wanna be a better person.
I: Tell me about your love of dance.
R: Well…I just can’t stop doing it. (Aside: Ryan is an AWESOME dancer.) There’s nothing like it. I don’t know, how would you describe my dance moves?
I: Highly creative and energetic and awe-inspiring. Watching you dance makes ME want to dance, 3 times harder than I am already and try to learn some moves.
Thank you and btw, you are also a really good dancer and the same could be said of you.
I: But back to you.
R: Just a side note. I am slowly learning the art of archery.
I: Really? I didn’t know that.
R: That’s because I’ve only done it a few times.
I: What are some of your core values?
R: Having fun. Smelling flowers. Loving my friends and family. And finding feathers.
I: Finding feathers is a value?
R: It’s this reminder to try hard to stay free, see beauty and believe in miracles. Speaking of miracles…one time I saw a reindeer Pez dispenser drop from the sky. Did I ever tell you that story?
R: I was walking on Red Square, talking to my mom on the phone, nobody else was around and all of a sudden I saw this thing out of the corner of my eye and heard a clank. It was a reindeer Pez dispenser. I later realized a bird probably dropped it. But what’s the likelihood?
I: What did you do with it?
A: Put it on my altar.
I: What does it symbolize to you?
R: You never know what’s going to happen. And what form your message might come in.
I: Do you have a message for potential suitors?
R: Laughter and kindness is the way to my heart.
I: What else do you want people to know about you?
R: I’m contradictorily shy and outgoing. I’ve been told I can appear standoffish but I think it’s just my awkwardness. I definitely have stage fright when I’m performing something I made up. That’s vulnerable. Especially since I’m a teacher.
I: What do you teach?
R: I hope that I inspire people in their whimsy and expressing their deepest feelings, desires, and passions. That sometimes involves threatening lunch detention.
I: What are some of the nicknames that your students have given you?
A: My favorite is, “Cardigan”.
I: What are other things you want potential dates to know about you? I have some thoughts. You make beautiful paintings, blown glass, other art. You’re sensitive, thoughtful, feel deeply, love good food, goats, honey, and wine. You care deeply about justice, love, and creating meaning in the world.
R: Thank you, you are kind. I am looking for a “mate” as you say, but also just want to date and have a good time, potentially a summer fling.
P.S. I am moving to the bay the end of August, after 14 years living in this dear, sweet town. If you want to have the best summer of your life, call me now. This could include make outs in my magical backyard.
Additional interview questions added!
Ryan has not yet selected someone to date, so you still have a chance — if you write in right away. Now! Right now! Do it! You know you want to!
Meanwhile, here are some random but lovely additional bits of Ryan’s interview (by somebody — we never did find out who the interviewer was) that we didn’t have room to print in the previous issue. You can read her entire interview at www.olympiapowerandlight.com.
Interviewer: Describe your domestic aesthetic.
Ryan: I love color. Bright, bold, never clashing, yet understated. Or intentionally understated clashing. My kitchen is kind of like living in an Easter basket. But I DON’T celebrate Easter because I am Jewish. (Ok, my interviewer totally just answered this question for me!)
I: And why are you sliding down the rainbow, instead of up?
R: I thought we weren’t going to use the word rainbow in this interview. But if you must know, I’m really about the journey, not the pot of gold. I once saw a rainbow end in a cow field on South Bay Road. That was pretty, so maybe I could land there. But hopefully some great person who answers this ad would meet me at the bottom; you should put a winky face after that ;).
R: I like to think of conceptual art projects. Like, “Monday Mom, Your Kinda Mom.”
I: What’s that?
R: It was when I interviewed people about their “Kinda” mom. Not like their mom, but their kinda mom. Then I dressed up like their kinda mom on Monday, and when I’d run into them, I’d try to be like their kinda mom.
R: Well, I wanted to…well, first let me tell you this one part. My favorite kind of mom was my friend telling me about her kinda mom just slippin’ on a skort. Then she would make dinner and hang around the house just wearing her skort. That was her real mom. She specifically said, “my kinda mom is my mom.” Which inspired me to get a skort.
I: Why did you love that one so much?
R: This was years ago and at the time, people didn’t really bring up skorts very often, so I was intrigued.I could totally understand her kinda mom from that key piece of information.
Y’all should know the drill by now: If you would like to date Ryan, explain why you’re her best choice, and send it along with a picture to firstname.lastname@example.org. If she agrees, you’ll have a date and end up in the paper! Whoo!