Blotter: The Case of Sofa Guy

Dates:  4/26/2012 – 4/27/2012

Location:  The Evergreen State College, Sandbar by Geoduck House

Incident:  Sofa King Party on the Beach

Around the end of April, adventuring Geoducks began telling tales of a mysterious couch that had recently appeared on one of the many beaches on the Evergreen campus.  As the story went, the couch was burnt down to the frame and facing west over the water and toward its final sunset.  It was also  an ostensibly offensive piece of trash on the Greener waterfront.

For three weeks the couch maintained its steady vigilance over the lapping inland waters of the Salish Sea, the occasional winded seagull, or weary freshman resting on its rusted coils. That is until an Evergreen alumni, unswayed by the sofa mystics, undertook some amateur sleuthing and quickly unraveled the fleeting mystery, via Facebook.

Based on photographic evidence chronicling the couch’s journey found on the Facebook page of a current Evergreen student, the alumni correctly presumed to have cracked the case and promptly shared this information with The Evergreen State College Police Services.  Based on those photos, it appears that the events on the evening of 4/26/12 and on into the morning of 4/27/12 unfolded as follows:

-Guy with couch decides it would be a good idea to bring said couch to the Evergreen Beach for a little waterfront comfort.

-Guy loads sofa into family style mini-van through sliding side door.  Approximately four feet of sofa hangs out the passenger side of the van for the drive to The Evergreen State College campus.

-Friends of Sofa Guy presumably assist in bringing couch to the beach and proceed to festively seat five people on their beachfront furniture, while sharing what appears to be a cigarette held decidedly “doobie style”.

-As night falls more people show up to the beach party.  Drinking ensues.

-Someone decides it is the appropriate time to ignite the once comfy couch.  It is unclear if this was a predetermined or spontaneous decision.

-The couch is set ablaze, followed by lots of euphoric mugging for the camera, including Sofa Guy literally standing on top of the actively burning couch.

-Burnt frame of the couch is left on the beach by the evening revelers, where it attracts more garbage, as well as a hand written sign thanking Sofa Guy (by name) for his contribution to the ecology of Evergreen.

When contacted by an officer of The Evergreen State College Police Services on 5/17/12, Sofa Guy was informed that he was being investigated for “Reckless Burning”, and “Illegal Dumping,” and that those crimes could be criminally prosecuted.  The officer advised the student that it would be wise for him to remove the couch from the beach before he was contacted by the campus Grievance Officer.  The Sofa Guy apologized for his actions and agreed that it would be a good idea for him to retrieve the burnt couch.  In reality however, Evergreen Police Chief, Ed Sorger explains, “The incident was resolved internally as it went to our grievance officer for disposition,” meaning no charges were filed, “and our facilities folks were notified to retrieve the couch,” meaning neither Sofa Guy, nor any of his once seemingly abundant friends retrieved it.  Sofa King lazy.