Dear Auntie MacKenzie,
I have made a resolution to remove the haters from my life. But I don’t know how to implement my resolution. Can you please help me?
Now that the New Year is here, many of us are moved to make resolutions. Losing weight, finishing “that project”, clearing clutter and other such things. But I think taking on the task of removing personal clutter could possibly be the most fulfilling.When it comes to some friendships and relationships, do you ever get the feeling you’re trying to fit a square peg in a round hole? Sometimes I was there was a donation center where I could drop those people off, right next to my clothes from college.
Relationships don’t need to be a struggle, despite what we are led to believe. Before I forget to mention this, relationships are hard work. That’s why they are rewarding, but don’t confuse hard work with struggling to keep it together. We encounter people in our everyday life who throw negative energy in our direction or are emotionally draining in some way. We can’t change people but luckily we can change the impact they have on us. It’s good to take an internal inventory that includes the friendships and relationships we cultivate. People change, relationships evolve and circumstances shift over time. It’s not a friendship or relationship gone wrong, just something you’ve outgrown. And sometimes the best way to honor that relationship is knowing when to say goodbye. From having a conversation to maybe stopping interactions with them, no way is better than another. You just have to make sure you do what is comfortable for you. I am a conversation person (or a “talker”), you may choose to just start avoiding the person cold turkey.
Some quick guidelines to talk to them about how you feel:
-More than likely they won’t take it well, but hopefully they’ve realized that things aren’t working out either and isn’t all that surprised.
-Don’t make it personal, but express your preferences. Being judgmental isn’t a great quality, but everyone is entitled to their likes and dislikes in life.
-Don’t place blame for the failure of the friendship squarely on the other person. It, actually, does take two.
-Let go of your negative feelings for the person BEFORE you discuss with them, otherwise you’ll fall prey to placing blame.
You cannot fault people for being who they are or expect them to change. However, we can accept that some people may not be the right fit for us in terms of a close relationships. Shutting someone out completely may not be an option; however, reestablishing how you react to and interact with them is. Setting boundaries and lovingly sticking up for yourself are integral to creating a solid support system. If we are afraid to let the people who are not right for us go, how can we make room for the right people?