Two reporters and two eligible singles walk into Le Voyeur on a recent Friday night (stop me if you’ve heard this one). We separate the daters to get a sneak peak at their impressions and expectations.
So, Berd, has anyone mentioned that they’ve seen you in OP&L?
“It’s been pretty much constant. Some people have been giving me shit about it, which is kinda good, but I’m not always good at taking shit. I got a lot of attention for it. Even some men are, like, jealous about it… maybe I’m just projecting.”
No one has asked him on a date outside the FNS (thanks for not cheating, friends!), but “people have recognized me. I think people are scared of me because I’m a spiritual warrior. But I’m really friendly. I desire to be liked, to a fault perhaps.”
He already met and talked a little with Taylor at Occupy Olympia. She was part of the group that occupied the capitol campus lawn by the Tivoli fountain, and he helped out a bit there.
Now, on this date? “I would like to see… well, I don’t know. We don’t know each other that well.”
Taylor says she was up at the capitol during the (short-lived) occupation, saw a copy of OP&L, and did a double-take of the back page. Hey, that’s him!
“I don’t really go on dates,” she says.
She had been in one long-term relationship in high school. Then he proposed, she said no, and she moved across the country.
Recently, she’s had a few open relationships, but nothing that ever got serious.
She moved here to attend Evergreen, and in is in her last quarter there. She’s studying evolutionary biology and psychology. Whaddaya do with that? “Dunno.”
“I really like Oly – it’s definitely my home now. My dream is to build a yurt and live in it.” She’s interested in teaching, specifically teenagers and pain-in-the-ass kids. “I’d really like to teach literature, cause that’s my passion.” What’s up with the science major? “I’ve always read literature in my spare time, but I wanted to study science in a structured environment.”
“I think this (going on a date that will wind up in a newspaper) is really funny. It’s absurd, actually. I’m open to anything. I don’t have any guards up tonight.”
We settle into a booth in the back corner, where we can hear folks setting up for a show in the back room. The reporters glance around to make sure that the waitstaff know we’re here. Berd encourages us to be patient. True, they’re pretty busy. “And they sometimes get offended if you imply that the service is bad,” Berd notes.
“I’m glad we’re here,” he says, looking around. “Are you vegan?”
“No.”
“Vegetarian?”
“Yes. Are you?”
“I wish I was. I just really like meat too much. I really like animals. For a while I liked animals more than I liked people.”
“What kind of meat do you like?”
“Chicken’s my favorite. Chicken was big when I was growing up. I’ve been known to eat rotisserie chickens from… well, from wherever.”
Taylor orders a beer, and Berd has a lemon-ginger-juice-soda concoction that the bartender made up.
Berd grew up in Minnesota, where there is an abundance of poultry farms, including agribusiness operations – “Big Chicken” he calls them (think Big Oil or Big Pharma, only with more feathers). He tells a story about how his parents went to dinner with some big shots from Gold ‘N’ Plump – Big Chicken people – who cooked chicken for dinner.
“It was tough and tasteless,” he reports.
“Because the chickens weren’t treated well?”
“Yeah. And because they didn’t know how to cook. Only how to grow tons of chickens.”
Taylor is from Washington DC.
“I really hate that place. It’s really busy and people tend to be materialistic.”
“You’re not materialistic?” Berd counters.
“I try not to be.”
“I was telling Senator Fraser today that materialism is the problem. Well, I was translating for Leo who… who was drunk. Senator Fraser didn’t seem to mind at all.”
“Why are politicians so stoic?” Taylor wonders.
“The good ones are.”
“The good ones are?”
“Yeah.”
They proceed to discuss the implications of stoicism. Clearly they hold different views. We, the reporters, probably should have prodded them to explain a little, but once again, we’re a couple of slackers.
Taylor offers Berd some of her beer.
“No thanks. I’m scared of beer.”
“Why are you scared of beer?”
“Well, I used to drink way more than was good for me. I’m a recovering alcoholic; I’ve been to AA and everything.”
“My father was in AA,” Taylor recalls. “I grew up spending my nights at meetings. My favorite part was the stories…. Well, I hope I’m not scaring you.”
“No, I don’t mind when other people drink.”
Finally they get around to looking at the menu. (Observation: an unhurried attitude toward food is usually an indication of an enjoyable date. Well, enjoyable to all but starving reporters.)
“I usually get the Oly Cheesesteak,” says Berd.
“I usually get the avocado melt.”
“So, how did you choose your ensemble tonight?” he asks. “It’s very nice.”
“Thanks. It’s kind of rainbow.” She really likes rainbow. They both agree that having only one favorite color is limiting.
His vest was a gift from a friend. He also just got a new mood ring. “I really want to mention this. I got it at Pop Shop the other day.”
He removes a small scrap of paper from his pocket and consults it regarding which colors indicate which mood. “It says normal, bordering on mixed emotion. That’s probably because it’s cold and I’m not focusing on my breathing. I had another one, but I broke it by putting it in cold water. It didn’t like that at all.”
The waiter arrives to take our order. Taylor and Berd order their favorites, and the waiter double-checks meat versus tempeh.
“Don’t wanna feed you meat if you don’t want it,” he says cheerfully.
Berd wants to get a salad, but first checks with Taylor to see if she’ll share her fries. “Yes, yes I will.”
She goes on to ask him about Occupy Olympia. “How was it today?”
“Very stressful. I was worried about the visit by Senator Fraser, but that went really well. Then there was a Peace and Safety meeting, and that was difficult. We were talking about how we’re going to handle people who cause problems.”
The Occupy Olympia folks are borrowing a document from Occupy Boston outlining their response to alcohol and drug use. The main concern is whether or not to eighty-six people.
Berd really hopes Science Island will return – that’s the tent that Taylor volunteered at, where occupiers could study.
“We’re working on it,” she says, “but we’re all just tired. We’re all getting sick.”
“The state delivered a letter today signed by – “
“Joyce Turner?”
“Yeah, her.”
“Oh, god. Don’t get me started on Joyce Turner. She took our tents and had two of my friends arrested.” (Turner is the Department of Enterprise Services head who ordered the five tents of Occupy Washington off the upper lawn of the Capitol Campus by Tivoli Fountain. Taylor was there.)
“I had a good conversation with Senator Fraser today,” Berd offers. “I think she’s with us, I really do. It’ll be interesting to see what happens on the 28th (when the legislature comes into session).”
“I’m excited to see what happens!”
“Yeah, Senator Fraser asked what my plans are, and I said I’m gonna go in there and talk to the legislators. That’s what I did last year, but it got really aggravating. Everyone was yelling and no one was listening.”
Salads and garlic fries arrive at the table. The waiter had caught that Berd and Taylor were sharing the salad, so placed it between them with two forks. It was pretty smooth.
“I’m guessing you went to Evergreen,” Taylor continues once the salad is gone.
The conversation travels all the way back to elementary school, which neither really enjoyed. Berd was taken out of public school after first grade.
“I went to private school. They tugged my ear a lot.” (Really? Take away their paddles and they resort to ear-tugging? That’s just petty.) His favorite teacher was in 4th grade. “Sometimes at the end of class he’d say, ‘Well, I don’t have anything else to teach you today.’ Then he’d take out a bouncy ball and just throw it and it would go all over the room.”
“They thought I had a learning disorder,” says Taylor, “because I doodled a lot. Mostly I was just really, really bored.”
His phone rings. “It’s Susan,” he says apologetically before answering. This reporter is ready to call foul and offer Taylor a make-up date, but it turns out “Susan” – far from being a mysterious sultry date-crashing dame – is just an Occupy volunteer, calling to confirm that Berd is scheduled for Peace and Safety watch tomorrow morning. Taylor explains this to us while Berd wraps up the call.
The reporters manage to make the daters self-conscious with the simple use of a digital camera. This is a fairly common reporter trick, and the effect wears off almost instantly.
“That should have been a picture,” Taylor says when Berd comes back from the restroom. “When you came out of the bathroom. You were slouching and you looked so… real.”
“Thanks. I’m glad you appreciate my slouch.”
“I like your pigtails, too.”
“I haven’t had hair this long for like ten years. It’s nice, although it’s a little thinner than it used to be.”
“I shaved my head about a year ago,” she offers.
“Why did you do that?”
“I wanted to see what it was like.”
“What was it like?”
“Cold.”
We separate our daters at the end of… well, at the end of our part of the date.
“He’s charming and very kind,” Taylor says. “The only thing is, it’s hard to tell if he’s having fun.”
How does this date measure up? “This is one of the better dates I’ve had. I enjoy the absurdity of it. I’ve never been able to get down with serious romantic dates because they’re ridiculous.”
Any possible plans for later? “I guess I’ll have to talk to Berd about that.”
What about a second date? “Definitely yes.”
Okay, if someone asked you, “Should I do the Fortnightly Single thing?” – what would you say? “I would say do it. But be forewarned, it’s not for the fainthearted.”
Though Taylor may have had difficulty reading Berd’s stoic expression, he’s actually having a great time. “I’m having a lot of fun. Taylor is a brilliant person, has a great attitude and is very attractive.”
Was it what he expected? “I don’t know what I was expecting. I like what I know about her. I’m just shy and sensitive. That’s okay, that’s just the way I am.”
Would he go on another date? “Definitely, yeah, I’d like to hang out with Taylor more.”
We reporters pause on the sidewalk, taking a moment to enjoy another FNS job well done. As we are standing there, Berd and Taylor walk out of Le Voyeur together and into the night. ◙