(Correlation & Causation)
When god, free will, and happenstance are busy, they call me: John Swamini**
The Olympia Lo wlife:
Aquarius (Jan 20-Feb 18)
Feeling guilty because you don’t call that relative who smells a little off? Well you should. It doesn’t mean you’re a good person at heart, it just means you’re not a sociopath and there is some solace to be taken there.
Pisces (Feb 19-Mar 20)
Try not to believe the hype today… or any day. Hype isn’t real. Hype is an exaggeration of something for the sake of creating a false sense of mystery or interest around something which may be, in its natural state, anywhere from banal to reasonably engaging, but the huckster pushing it isn’t satisfied with the results those adjectives get.
Aries (Mar 21-Apr 19)
Wrap yourself up in a blanket this weekend and take a big bite of snuggle sandwich. Wash it down with a bottle of your favorite wine and don’t forget the pie.
Taurus (Apr 20-May 20)
Someone thinks they know better than you and isn’t acting shy about it. But they are behaving no different than you, halfway through the bottle, yelling at the TV.
Gemini (May 21-June 20)
Maybe Mercury isn’t in retrograde. Maybe you’re just a colossal pain in the ass.
Cancer (June 21-July 22)
Making a new connection is as easy as a few mouse clicks. Making a new friend requires so much more. Both are just as capable of bedding your spouse when you are away on a business trip.
Leo (July 23-Aug 22)
Failure is not permanent; so don’t waste time grousing about coming up short in your endeavors, unless you are assigning blame to someone else. That is way easier than nutting up and starting over.
Virgo (Aug 23-Sep 22)
You need to deal with your instincts today, which is to say that you need to suppress most of them because aside from running away from large fires, instinctually, we are a pretty revolting species.
Libra (Sep 23-Oct 22)
You’ve got big ideas but, like Texas on opposite day, you suck at execution. It may be time to consider a partner who knows how to make things happen.
Scorpio (Oct 23-Nov 21)
Tension in the workplace is never a good thing, unless you are a crane operator. Due to sexual harassment laws and latent religious guilt, you shouldn’t get too friendly with your colleagues if you know what I mean, so you’ll have to be clever in the methods used to sort things out. Try getting them fired.
Sagittarius (Nov 22-Dec 21)
“You are just an ordinary man in a cape! That’s why you couldn’t fight injustice and that’s why you can’t stop this train!” – Liam Neeson as Ra’s al Ghul in “Batman Begins”
Capricorn (Dec 22-Jan 19)
Handling other people’s complaints is akin to navigating some rough waters. People have reasonable complaints based on their values as well as tiny hang-ups based on their idiosyncrasies and bad childhood experiences. You have to draw the line somewhere as to what pile of “me me me” BS they bring to the table that you’re going to seriously entertain. My advice is to wear headphones and shove a lemon wedge in your mouth.
* http://www.haydenplanetarium.org/tyson/watch/2008/06/19/debunkingastrology
** Why we can’t have nice things.