Adjust your expectations to succeed at Internet dating
7/27/11
Dear Auntie MacKenzie
Is Internet Dating still creepy? I’ve been using it as a tool to find a girlfriend and I’m in need of some advice. Some women seemed interested, but when I send them a message they don’t reply back. I usually write a simple message to get the ball rolling. It’s usually along the lines of, “I’m interested to find out more about you, here’s my email, I’d like to offer you some more insight about who I am as well.
It seems I can get their attention, but cannot hold it and it’s really starting to annoy me. There were some great women who contacted me too. I had a couple of other questions:
Should I add my phone number to my message as a means of communication, your thoughts? How about profile photo?, I’m not a very photogenic person so it’s hard for myself to get good photographs. What kind of photographs are usually the ones that get your attention?
When we meet someone in person, most of us instantly know which people don’t interest us, but trying to decide who might be a good match can be tough with out that first glance. You don’t have that initial chemistry buzz. If you date online, it can seem even more difficult to pick the right person.
I think you just need to be patient. It takes a lot of time and effort to do the Internet dating thing. I have met a couple really great guys who would make awesome friends but who for sure weren’t the one for me. An interesting, well-written profile with a lot of descriptive information gets my attention every time.
I despise cheesy clichés or the “I like to go out but have just as much fun staying in” or “I like a girl who can dress up but is equally comfortable in a pair of jeans”. When I created my profile I would go online and look at profiles of other people who were in my age category, just to see what was out there. Then I took my time writing it. Don’t get discouraged about the unreturned emails. It happens all the time. Now, I like to do the email thing for a little while before an actual phone conversation. I think it’s okay to give a girl your number, but you should also follow it up with something like: “…but I would be happy to call you if you would like to give me your number.” Or let her know she can call you whenever she is ready. I wanted the safety of going through the dating site’s server so a weirdo couldn’t track me down. If a guy gave me his personal email address in his initial response, I dropped him immediately. I did have some success with dating and some coffee dates with guys that didn’t go anywhere.
I never thought Internet Dating was for me until I was talking to an acquaintance that did it regularly. I asked her why she liked it so much versus going out and meeting someone. She said since she was a single mom, she really couldn’t risk “just letting chemistry do the talking for her anymore”. Admittedly, I thought, “It’s all about the chemistry. What the hell is she talking about?” However, after I had time to think about it, I could definitely apply that logic to myself. I’ve been in my share of relationships that just explode or implode, mostly because I’m a passionate girl. I thought it would be nice to meet someone whose company I liked BEFORE I let my passion do all the talking. So here we are. With all dating and relationships you must remember, fortitude is the key.