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FNS: Christopher!

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Fortnightly Single: Christopher

UPDATE: Chris had his date. He becomes the first Fortnightly Single to have their date after just one issue. Read all about it here! With a special paparazzi follow-up here!

Hi, my name is Chris. I’m a 26 years old heterosexual male, Libra. I am a painter (check out my website: www.bluecanvas.com/christopherslaymaker and blog: christophergrayslaymaker.blogspot.com.)

I moved to Olympia from Virginia on my birthday in 2006. I live in a cute, sort of fancy house on the east side with two amazing beautiful women. I am currently reading the book Concerning the Spiritual in Art by Wassily Kandinsky.

My older brother is in the South African gangsta rap group Die Antwoord. I once pumped gas with no pants on. I know Patch Adams personally. My earliest memory is going to greet my handsome father, who had just gotten off work and was walking from across the street, to our house in Philadelphia, when I went to open the gate to our front yard I banged myself in the forehead and blood started streaming into my eyes, all I could see was red. My favorite color is red.

When I was eleven I got arrested for breaking and entering into two houses and stealing alcohol, I was grounded for a month. My first kiss was with my best friends older sister, but that sweet soft kiss, was only a diversion in a late night game of keep away, I was ten and I didn’t understand what the horrible feeling in my chest and belly were, it was my first heartbreak and marked the end of my childhood. My favorite bands are Kriss Kross and La Bouche.

I have a good relationship with my parents. My best friend was on the show “That’s so Raven”. I’ve had sex in the bathroom at the Loft on Cherry. When I was sixteen I had a little red sports car, I got pulled over by the police 16 times in one year and didn’t get a single ticket. I do cocaine in the morning to start the day off and heroine in the evening as a nightcap, both of which are high in antioxidants and I’m hoping will help me live a longer, healthy life. I love to dance, seriously. I’ve had lucid dreams; they’re pretty cool, I guess. I was married once.

I think I can stare into the sun without suffering retinal damage. In 2007 I was in a clown parade, in the Amazon. I’ve been to the top of the empire state building. I almost became a monk when I was 19. I eat lead and shit rattlesnakes. I enjoy Yoga. Some of this is true, some of it’s not, come on a date with me and find out.

For the date, anyone who wants to meet me is welcome. For a potential partner, I am looking for a woman who is passionate about something or lots of things and is grounded in that passion, optimistic, hot (no physical specifics, I mean hot from the inside out). She is Preferably between the ages of 21 and 37. And maybe she knows how to ride a horse, maybe she doesn’t, it doesn’t matter

If you would like to date Christopher, email us with a convincing story and a picture. If Christopher picks you, you’ve got a date!


If you would like to BE the next Fortnightly Single, email us about that too, and tell us about yourself and what you’re looking for in a date.

cute, sort of fancy house on the east
side with two amazing beautiful
women. I am currently reading the
book Concerning the Spiritual in
Art by Wassily Kandinsky. My older
brother is in the South African gangsta
rap group Die Antwoord. I once
pumped gas with no pants on. I know
Patch Adams personally.
My earliest memory is going to
greet my handsome father, who had
just gotten off work and was walking
from across the street, to our house in
Philadelphia, when I went to open the
gate to our front yard and I banged
myself in the forehead and blood
started streaming into my eyes, all I
could see was red. My favorite color is
red. When I was eleven I got arrested
for breaking and entering into two
houses and stealing alcohol; I was
grounded for a month.
My first kiss was with my best
friends older sister, but that sweet
soft kiss was only a diversion in a
late night game of keep away, I was
ten and I didn’t understand what the
horrible feeling in my chest and belly
were, it was my first heartbreak and
marked the end of my childhood.
My favorite bands are Kriss
Kross and La Bouche. I have a good
relationship with my parents. My best
friend was on the show “That’s so
Raven”. I’ve had sex in the bathroom
at the Loft on Cherry. When I was
sixteen, I had a little red sports car, I
got pulled over by the police 16 times
in one year and didn’t get a single
ticket. I do cocaine in the morning
to start the day off and heroine in
the evening as a nightcap, both of
which are high in antioxidants and
I’m hoping will help me live a longer,
healthy life.
I love to dance, seriously. I’ve
had lucid dreams; they’re pretty
cool, I guess. I was married once. I
think I can stare into the sun without
suffering retinal damage. In 2007, I
was in a clown parade, in the Amazon.
I’ve been to the top of the empire
state building. I almost became a
monk when I was 19. I eat lead and
shit rattlesnakes. I enjoy Yoga. Some
of this is true, some of it’s not, come
on a date with me and find out.
For the date, anyone who
wants to meet me is welcome. For
a potential partner, I am looking for
a woman who is passionate about
something or lots of things and is
grounded in that passion, optimistic,
hot (no physical specifics, I mean hot
from the inside out). She is preferably
between the ages of 21 and 37. And
maybe she knows how to ride a horse,
maybe she doesn’t, it doesn’t matter.
Christopher

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